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Recollection

When you entered the space the wall directly to your left was covered in words, no punctuation just rambling hand written words. On top of them was clawing and scratching movements, a scrubbing to make some of the words harder to read. These markings gradually faded into another space with flesh toned walls and white ceiling/ base molding. There are soft gestures in this room to indicate that furniture was once in the space and it is now vacant. This piece is about control and anxiety. The rambling words were written quick in a moment of a panic attack repeating phrases and unedited. An excerpt reads “Dont read dont look im trying please dont be hurt im sorry im lost I swear im trying cant talk you cant know cant let you in why cant i let you in how am i doing crushing anxiety five jobs no funds i can do this right…” it continues to discuss debt, wishes, work, personal connections, and more. My anxiety has a terrible habit to make me pull away and not let people in because once you say it or admit you are struggling you can't take it back. The marks over the words are to symbolize the feeling of desperation. It's out now and there is no covering it up, not completely. This frantic frenzy of energy and greif, anxiety and fear fades into the soft and gentle marks of absence. This segment of the work shows control over what is seen and not seen. The marks are all meticulously made with house paint. They show outlines of furniture some more detailed than other but they give a feel of a bedroom. The sculptures that were here were taken away. This is an intimate living space carefully crafted to show just enough of the person but obviously not the whole picture. While the words are the interierior feelings bubbling and bursting to get out and to escape the calm facade. 

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© 2020 by Julia Miller. 

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